My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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