If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
