You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My vagina is officially offended.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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