Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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