you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
