I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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