Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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