apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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