She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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