If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm having to shit out rocks
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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