he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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