Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
