So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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