I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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