so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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