I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
