god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
