She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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