I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
