similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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