i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
