is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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