I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
please come you make the beer taste better
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
