those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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