so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
