areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
