Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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