I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
