I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
