I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
