Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
