I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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