He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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