I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
