Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
