Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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