Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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