The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
