You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
