he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
