Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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