i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
