Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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