You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
