You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
