Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
