Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
