So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize