After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
