I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
