dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
