come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
