I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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