I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
