she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's never too late to be topless.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
