I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
