i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
vagina is talking i cant
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
