I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
