Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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