We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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