I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
