shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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