Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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