Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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