He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
