I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
