OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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