i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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