You're my little dorito
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
