also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
