He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
