perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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