Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
