Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
