Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
