She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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